Honesty takes courage when jealousy wants to lie

This research topic submitted by Julie Forner (j fornera @ hello.net.au) on 5/22/98.

I am interested in how to know myself.If I cannot be honest to my husband and communicate my feelings of being dehumanised when his heart seeks another then I am not being honest with myself for we also know ourselves from how we show our inner souls to others. It takes courage to be honest and tell Paul that I feel like jealous and insecure. But to hide or repress my feelings or cover them up only means I will not heal. Jeaulousy hurts and love has become insensitive and people are undervalued after the initial thrill is gone. People need to honestly know themselves and be courageous enough to communicate themselves. Love is not a game and Paul thinks it is but I believe that on my deathbed he may understand what I tried to say to him.It is easy to say "I love you." It is three words but if you say the words yet your actions and attitudes and body language and your eyes do not confirm this then it causes confusement in me . When I die I never want to return to the hell of being in a relationship where I am doomed to find happiness in death and the end of the marriage the end of the jeaulousy the games the dehumanisations the emotional manipulations.Yes I believe we are doomed .I have already taken three overdoses to try to communicate my isoalation my dehumanisation to him but he twists my truth with lies.The only reason I do not walk away from him is because of our child. The only reason I want to live is so that my son has my love and empathy. The only way to carry my cross is to have courage and be honest with myself and others. I believe in Jesus and I know this makes me weak in the eyes of the world but in all my travels I have never found a true friend or a family member to be there for me like the holy spirit. I am a lone star . I am an individual and when it comes to jealousy I can only stop expecting others to be true.Jealous people need to be a friend to themselves first and to believe that good triumhps over evil even if it takes the dead finish literally to rest in peace and return to the higher plane . The higher plain knows it cannot control others.Even if my husband leaves me for another it is out of my control for he has his own free will.And when the Angels take me to heaven to the higher plane at my death bed the power of the flesh that uses jealousy as one of its misiles and destructors will have to power via my husband over me.Death thou shalt die and jealousy will die with it and lust and envy and greed and materialism and mans domination over man and the hunger in my stomach that is never satisfied. All I wanted to say is that when it comes to jealousy honesty is the corageous answer.

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