How do you deal with an unwarranted jealousy

This research topic submitted by C Dell (cdell@lms.portage.net) on 5/25/98.

I'd like to ask people who are jealous how their romantic
partner could help them to overcome this. I am in love with
a man who "sees things" (ie. I follow another's conversation
too closely - when I think I am being courteous by making eye contact with a person talking to me). I have repeatedly tried to reassure him how much I care about them, not only in words, but in what I do and how I treat them. I don't want to lose this person, as I feel we share a very special connection, but this person refuses to see the situation for what it really is. This person has been cheated on previously, but so have I. I trust this person because I trust my own judgement of what kind of person they are - even if I have been wrong before. However, I do resent the fact they can't or won't accept the fact that I am not the cheating type. I realize talk is cheap, as I have been suckered before as well, but when does a jealous person decide it's time to trust...what exactly does it take for that person's eyes to stop seeing imagined slights? I don't want to give up. I realize that trust also takes time, but I am a good person (I believe) and it hurts me deeply when these accusations are made because I could never think the thoughts that have crossed my partner's mind. Do these feelings ever subside? If not, is there a way for me and my partner to manage them. It seems I am always caught off-guard and never know if some kind of slight or accusation is coming. My partner, in all other aspects, treats me very well and cares for me deeply.
I only want to help this person and any insight from jealous people would be greatly appreciated, as I can not understand this situation enough to help my partner.


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