I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder four years ago. I feel that this is an accurate diagnosis. I suffered psychological, physical, and sexual abuse that began before I was a toddler and continued until six years ago. I was abused by many people in varied situations.
I am currently in a marriage where I am both honored and adored, yet I am irrationally jealous. My spouse has never given me any reason to believe that I am not "good enough" or that he thinks another woman is "better," or more beautiful than me, or even desirable to him.
I know that my jealousy stems from my own self-worth and a distorted image of myself. I realize that my fears and insecurities are irrational and damaging to my marriage. However, realizing this does not change my reactions to triggers.
Triggers are anything or any situation which contain images or present women I feel threatened by:
1)Magazine covers
2)Movies and television
3)Advertising
4)Internet
5)Social situations
6)Any activity outside my home in which I do not have complete control over (beach, library, stores, etc.)
I consider myself to be an intelligent, logical person, yet I cannot control my pain, anger, insecurity, or responses. I have sought spiritual avenues, meditation, hypnosis, everything I could think of -- to no avail.
Alas, what is one to do?
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