Sibling Rivalry in American Culture Final

This topic submitted by anna rusbosin, kelly hanson at 10:59 AM on 4/30/02. Additions were last made on Tuesday, April 30, 2002. Section: Dorsey.

Sibling Rivalry in American Culture

Introduction
We will be researching sibling rivalry in American culture. Sibling rivalry is evident in all families, and we want to do an in-depth exploration of sibling rivalry, its causes, its forms, and how it can be alleviated. In addition to sibling rivalry, we will explore the notions of birth order and how that affects rivalry, and the intensity of the rivalry. We looked at sibling rivalry between small families and large families. Most of the people we survey will be college students (age 18-22). They will have a variety of family make-ups.

The relevance of our research is that sibling rivalry is found in all families, and it is argued that the leading cause of rivalry, jealousy, is just human nature. ÒTo comprehend why they should understand each other so well, we must certainly acknowledge the emotional power of the sibling relationship. If you compete for parental love with someone, it really matters that you should be able to anticipate his or her actions and intentions and to read his or her moods and feelingsÓ (Dunn p. 39). In essence, sibling rivalry cannot be stopped; it is bound to happen in families of multiple siblings. The intensity of the rivalry varies from family to family for many reasons, but it is always there, even if it is extremely slight.

Relevance
Many studies have been done on sibling rivalry and sibling relationships in general. To understand the rivalry siblings feel, it is important to grasp the intricacies of relationships between siblings. ÒThe sibling relationship is responsible for the development of our personality, our perceptions of the world, and our roles in itÓ (Hapworth p. 6). Siblings almost have the clout of a parent, but at the peer level.

There are vast amounts of literature about how to prevent sibling rivalry. It has been noted that some of the most intense jealousy comes when a new child is brought into the family, partly due to the intense feelings going on at the time. ÒFirstborn children are very interested in their newborn sibling, and that the babyÕs arrival and presence is a matter of great emotional importance. The stage is set for the relationship between the children to develop, and it is set in a way that suggests that this is not an emotionally neutral affairÓ (Dunn p. 11).
%0 Work has been done on parental influence on rivalry, and favoritism from the mother or father. ÒBoth those who saw themselves as favored and those who did not felt affected by their parentsÕ preferences. People blamed parental favoritism for ongoing jealousies and competition with their siblings or for angry clashes that flared up from time to timeÓ (Klagsbrun p. 158). The way a mother shows affection differs from the way fathers show affection, and that affects a childÕs feelings of well being that could lead to rivalry with other siblings.

ÒParental favoritism surfaces in sibling relationships in the forms of competitiveness, insensitivity, anger, rage, guilt, insecurity, and envyÓ (McDermott p. 81). Often, children try to compensate for the feelings of inadequacy by directly competing with the siblings for the parentsÕ love. This can make the feelings of favoritism appear even more obvious while driving away the sibling.

There are many methods of dealing with sibling rivalry. In early childhood, when rivalry is especially intense, the children might be in fragile emotional states, making it difficult to discipline them. Since rivalry starts whenever a new baby comes into the family, Sybil Hart suggests that the new baby is an ideal time to prevent rivalry.
Preventative measures are not merely the first steps toward managing sibling rivalry, they are also the best steps. A young childÕs adjustment to the arrival of a sibling depends on her early emotional development, in general, and on the emergence of love and jealousy, in particular. Since these evolve during the fist year of life, the most effective preventative measures are those undertaken during this early, sensitive period. So do not wait until your firstborn can talk. Do not wait until a second-born infant arrives, or is even on the way. The best time to start preparing for a siblingÕs arrival is when you bring home your first child, not the second (Hart p. 123).

Scars from childhood rivalry and competition can severely disable relationships long into adulthood. People often find they choose a mate that exhibits characteristics of the sibling, and their work relationships often mirror the sibling bonds (McDermott p. 6-7).

Methods and Materials
We will be conducted a survey of one hundred people, forty-eight males, fifty-two females. Of the one hundred people, only ninety had siblings, so the other ten were not included. We tried to get a wide age range of 16 and up, but ended up having mostly college students. The surveys, along with the literature we have reviewed gave us a good look at sibling rivalry and its roots.

Our timeline for the project is as follows:
2/27-3/6 administer surveys
4/5 have data reviewed, organized, and analyzed

Results
When we asked ÒHow close are you to your siblings?Ó twenty people answered very close, while thirty-nine answered close, eighteen answered somewhat close, and thirteen answered not at all. We found that some were not close due to age or geographic distance, while others were not close due to turbulent events in childhood. One surveyor said, ÒI donÕt get a long with my younger sister at all. Whether itÕs at school or anything else. She even tries to tell me here boyfriend is better than mine.Ó The majority of people said they were close or very close to their siblings. ÒI am close to my brothers because I know theyÕll always be there for me. They arenÕt my best friends, but I can depend on them like they areÓ said another surveyor.

We asked, ÒHow much are you willing to talk to a sibling about a task if you succeed or fail?Ó most people are willing to tell a lot when they succeed (67 people) but choose to stay silent when they fail (61 people). These behaviors can lead to animosity between siblings because they often give a skewed perception of accomplishment. When siblings only talk about their successes and do not seek support when they fail, they become invincible in the eye of the other siblings.

Our next question is, ÒHow much do your siblings understand what you are really like?Ó Surprisingly, forty people said Ònot at all.Ó That may have to do with the fact that we only share our success stories with our siblings. One surveyor said, ÒWhenever I speak with my younger brother and sister, I tell them how great everything is because they look up to me. They canÕt see me fail, otherwise they wonÕt think IÕm so perfect.Ó Another question found that most of those surveyed do not share their inner feelings with their siblings (59 people). The lack of a real connection with siblings may lead to ill feelings or awkwardness with them.

Fifty people surveyed seek some sort of approval from their siblings. Most people seem to compare themselves with their siblings on more than one level. Seventy-one used their achievements, sixty-eight used education, sixty-three used finances, and fifty-five used occupation. Nine people said that they did not compare themselves with their siblings at all.

They way we compare ourselves to siblings might have to do with our perceptions of how our parents treat us compared to our siblings. The vast majority felt that they were treated the same (88% dad, 81% mom). 10% of those surveyed felt that mom treated them worse than their other siblings while 8% felt that dad treated them worse than their other siblings. The difference between mother and father statistics might have to do with more parental investment by the mother. It might also be influenced by the fact that we surveyed fifty-two women and forty-eight men.

We found that siblings were reciprocal in their advice giving. Sixty people said they gave advice, and sixty-five went for advice in the past year. More people both sought and gave advice than people who didnÕtÕ at all, which shows a comfort level between siblings.

Nearly everyone, (89 people) has said theyÕve not spoken to a sibling out of anger at least once. One person said theyÕve never been that angry. We did not specify how long the silence period is though. Some surveyed gave tem the silent treatment for ten minutes while others still wonÕt speak years later.

Finally, we asked, ÒHow much do habits or behaviors of siblings that annoyed you in your childhood still bother you today?Ó forty people said they are still very annoyed while thirty-one are somewhat and nineteen are not at all annoyed. The carryover of feelings from childhood to adulthood can have implications in other adult relationships.

Discussion and Conclusions
What we found is that for the most part, people get along with their siblings. They seemed to follow the kinship altruism ratio formula (k>1/r). Except for extreme cases, those surveyed said they would help out siblings despite the rivalry that exists between them. When we say that people get along with their siblings, that does not mean they have to be best friends or even close friends, they simply must respect one another.

We would like to explore birth orders more in depth. In addition, weÕd like to look more closely at sex differences in siblings and family size. It would be interesting to look at siblings who shared living quarters as opposed to those who had separate rooms. A whole study could be devoted to rivalry between twins and other multiple births.

For further investigation, we suggest surveying a more diverse population. The general age of people we surveyed was twenty. The people we surveyed were not at times in their lives when their parents are dying, creating a lot of problems. Nor were those surveyed small children making the slightest character flaw into a major issue. In addition, surveying more people would be helpful. We suggest observing sibling interaction at all age levels such as small children playing together, teenage siblings, and adult siblings.

NS Survey

Part A.

1. Sex: ___male ___female
2. Age: ____
3. Number of brothers:____ list their ages:________
4. Number of sisters:____ list their ages:________
5. What is your birth order? ____ out of ____ children (Example: 7th out of 10 children.)

Part B.

6. How close are you to your siblings? Very Close___ Close___ Somewhat Close___ Not Close At All___
How muchÉ Not at all Some Very much
7. Do you seek siblingsÕ approval? _______ _____ _________
8. Do you share your inner feelings with siblings? _______ _____ _________
9. Do they understand what you are really like? _______ _____ _________
10. Did you go to siblings for advice in the past year?______ _____ _________
11. Did siblings come to you for advice in the past year?___ _____ _________
12. If you succeed in something, do you tell siblings?______ _____ _________
13. If you fail in something, do you tell siblings? _______ _____ _________
14. Do habits or behaviors of siblings that annoyed
you in childhood still bother you today? _______ _____ _________

Part C.

15. Do you compare yourself with siblings in terms of (check all that apply)
Achievements___ Finances___ Education___
Occupation___ I donÕt compare___
16. Have there been periods of time when you and a sibling have not spoken to one another out of anger? Yes___ No___
If yes, could you say more about it?
17. How does your father treat you as compared to your siblings? Better___ About the same___ Worse___
18. How does your mother treat you as compared to your siblings? Better___ About the same___ Worse___
19. Is there anything else you would like to say about your relationship with your siblings?

Bibliography

Bank, Stephen P., Michael D. Kahn. The Sibling Bond. New York: Basic Books, 1997.
Dunn, Judy. Sisters and Brothers. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1985.

Fishel, Elizabeth. Sisters. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1979.

Hapworth, William E., Mada Hapworth, & Joan Rattner Heilman. ÒMom Loved You Best.Ó New York: Viking Press, 1993.

Hart, Sybil. Preventing Sibling Rivalry. New York: The Free Press, 2001.

Klagsbrun, Francine. Mixed Feelings. New York: Bantam Books, 1992.

McDermot, Patti. Sisters and Brothers. Los Angeles: Lowell House, 1992.

Sutton-Smith, Brian, B.G. Rosenberg. The Sibling. New York: Holt, Rinehart, and Winston, Inc., 1970.

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